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FRIDAY MOVIE REVIEWS

THE INTERNSHIP

This trailer isn't selling us on this movie. It looks forced and formulaic. That said, there are tons of movies that follow a formula and are genuinely funny so let's not give up all hope on this movie. We need more great comedies and we can't keep putting this burden on Will Ferrel, Will can only do so much and its unfair of us to put Will on this pedestal of greatness of which he most definitely belongs and can do no wrong. We love you Will!!

 

THE PURGE

How does one day of violence solve the issue of crime? That plot point alone is enough to want to see this movie. The only thing that looks weird, is that if crime is allowed on this one day and there are no repercussions then why would you wear a mask? Let's assume that everyone at some point (probably at Halloween) you've worn a mask. So you know how intrusive they can be to your overall peripheral vision. And that's the last thing you want to happen when you're in a poorly lit house with guns and knives is to not see your opponent. Sure it looks cool and scary but that's not going to do you any good when you trip or bump into something. So remember, function over fashion. That's your tip of the day.

 

VIOLET AND DAISY

This movie hasn't been blessed with the best reviews, but since we're basing our review on the trailer, it looks pretty OK.  Sort of a Boondock Saints meets Leon: the Professional. And that would be one really great recipe for a movie. And that's how a lot of movies are pitched. It's Toy Story meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Boom! You know you want to see that movie. That's it, give us some paper we just came up with cinematic gold and we now we need to write our Oscar acceptance speech.

 

 

THE OTHER RICH SIMMONS

Not a day goes by that someone doesn't confuse the amazing and beautiful Richard Simmons with the artist Rich Simmons. The similarities don't just end with the name, it's the attitude, the wardrobe, the talent. If it weren't for the hair they could be identical twins.

To help you figure this out, we will be talking about the Rich Simmons on the left. Rich is a very talented and very social-minded artist, with his Art is the Cure movement that was set up to promote the use of creative therapy and inspire people to find the strength to find a cure in art.

Rich has a gallery show called the Inner Outsider coming up on June 14th at the Intimate Gallery in London. The show runs from the 14th to July 13th, Where you can see amazing pieces like the ones in this video:

 

You'll be hearing and seeing more from our friend, Rich Simmons, not Richard Simmons, very soon at HMNIM.

MITCH HEDBERG

Mitch Hedberg is a comedian. No, wait, he was more than a comedian. He was a teacher, a poet and a legend, who passed away at the perfect time. Gotcha. You thought we would write that he "passed away too soon". Who are we to say when it's time to go? Maybe his jokes would have gone downhill or he would have done a tv show that was terrible. Those things didn't happen and will never happen because he died at the perfect time. Do we miss him? Hell yes. But what he left behind was perfect.

Mitch's wife is sharing his comedic journals with GQ Magazine this month. To learn more about Mitch just Google him. Or watch this video:

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

This is about a modern-day treasure hunt. There are certain things that everyone loves to read about, monsters from the deep, stories of courage, and lost treasure. These three are pretty universal in their appeal. This treasure isn't lost by any means. It was hidden by an 82-year-old, named Forrest Fenn. Years earlier, Forrest was diagnosed with cancer and given only a few years to live. It was this life-changing ordeal that gave him the idea of leaving a legacy of hidden treasure. He loaded up a chest filled with the treasure that takes a lifetime to amass, hundreds of rare gold coins, rubies, emeralds, carved jade, nuggets of gold and more. Enough to fill a 40lb chest (tipping the scales at roughly 2 million dollars). And then one night, Forrest took his treasure chest into the Santa Fe, New Mexico mountains to hide.

The location of the treasure can be deciphered through a poem Forrest wrote in his autobiography called "Thrill Of The Chase". The man has lived an incredible life, did a bunch of crazy stuff and lived to write it all down. The buried treasure was supposed to be the closing chapter of his book, with cancer being the final word. Turns out Forrest, like most things in his life, overcame the odds and beat the cancer the first time around but as fate would have it, the cancer is back and Forrest has been given only limited reprieve from death, but the legacy of his treasure will live on...until someone finds it. 

The Poem:

As I have gone alone in there
And with my treasures bold,
I can keep my secret where,
And hint of riches new and old.

Begin it where warm waters halt
And take it in the canyon down,
Not far, but too far to walk.
Put in below the home of Brown.

From there it's no place for the meek,
The end is ever drawing nigh;
There'll be no paddle up your creek,
Just heavy loads and water high.

If you've been wise and found the blaze,
Look quickly down, your quest to cease,
But tarry scant with marvel gaze,
Just take the chest and go in peace.

So why is it that I must go
And leave my trove for all to seek?
The answers I already know,
I've done it tired, and now I'm weak.

So hear me all and listen good,
Your effort will be worth the cold.
If you are brave and in the wood
I give you title to the gold.

FRIDAY MOVIE REVIEWS

For some of the big movie releases you see ads for on TV there will be all these great one word reviews like, "Stunning", "Suspenseful" and "Amazing", but when you pause the DVR and look at who has given the movie such glowing reviews they all come from one guy who gave it the only good review. So they get that one guy, to give the movie an incredible review and then they cut up his review to make it look like six good reviews.  But they put his name so small hoping you won't look closer to see that. This is your warning. Don't be fooled by this, or get blinded by the four star reviews, they don't tell you it was out of a possible ten stars.

We are going to review movies by their trailers, rather than the entire film, because face it, the trailer is always better than the film.

After Earth

We have high hopes for this, but the curse of the Shyamalan lingers over this film. Beware. Your best hope is that when you get popcorn they pull it from the machine that just started popping. Sometimes good fresh popcorn can make any movie better.

 

Now You See Me

I think the best review for this movie was Morgan Freeman falling asleep in the middle of a TV interview about it. You too, might be better off getting some sleep than going to see this. Plus Eisenberg? he's the worst. I just want him to play villains so i can cheer for his demise.

 

The East

This is your best bet for the weekend, the trailer looks good, has got a good cast of actors. Don't waste your time with the others go see this.

SLOTHING IS THE NEW TWERKING

There are some movie characters out there whose presence transcends time and space. Sloth, from the movie The Goonies, is one of those characters. You could show a picture of Sloth to someone in their 50's or a 5-year-old and they will know that beautiful Baby Ruth-eating face. The movie was a huge success, and two of the Goonies cast, Sean Astin (Lord of the Rings ) and Josh Brolin (No Country for Old Men ) went on to big Hollywood careers. But if it weren't for his untimely death in 1989 from being too awesome (aka, his heart couldn't keep up with his awesomeness) Sloth actor John Matuszak would have out shined them all. 

They don't give out internet memes to just anyone.You have to really earn that prize with hard work and dedication to your craft, whatever that may be. With that said, I give you "Slothing" or as it's known in the graphic artist circles: "Intro to Photoshop". First, you take a good long hard look at Sloth.

Have you got it? Have you burned that beautiful visage into your brain? Ok, good. Now find any photo you want and drop it into Photoshop. The last step, you mash that face up really good. I suggest the "liquify tool". Done! You are now part of the cool kids meme of Slothing.